Out of the Mouths of Babes

Here are some great quotes from children taken from “Wit & Wisdom” by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. – Rutledge Hill Press. (I couldn’t resist putting my two cents in on some of them.)

On Family

• My little brother’s dirty diapers are worse than liver. – Matt, age 11
• My grandmother can say more in a sentence than a college professor can say in an hour and a half. – Angela, age 14 (as can my mother, my father, and a couple of aunts and uncles)
• You should never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato.  – Angela, age 12
• If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. Parents always catch the second person. – Michael, age 10
• When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair. – Morgan, age 11 (same goes for your hairdresser, I’ve learned)
• It seems like the oldest one always gets in trouble even if she didn’t do it. – Sally, age 11 (I have some personal experiences with this one.)
• You should never tell your parents when you’re curious about girls because many lectures will come in the future. – Reza, age 12

On School

• Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.– Tiffany, age 13 (especially about other people)
• The boys’ restroom smells, but the girls’ restroom doesn’t. – Devin, age 10 (true at home, in school, the mall…)
• All the bad things I’ve heard about algebra are true. – Erin, age 14
• You can’t catch a hard baseball in your mouth. – Joseph, age 10 (or in your eye socket)
• When teachers get old, like over fifty-five, they’re always in a bad mood. – Lindsay, age 8
• When you want to stay home from school, you have to stay in the bathroom a long, long time. – Joseph, age 11
• When teachers are mad, they don’t blink. – William, age 12
• Food
• They put certain things in cafeteria food, so I don’t eat there anymore.  – Kristen, age 9
• You should never order seafood at a hamburger joint in Nebraska. – Chad, age 11
• You should never sneeze with a chewed-up bite in your mouth. It’s a nasty experience. – Amanda, age 14 (It’s amazing what can come out of your nostrils!)
• I can slurp a slurpie through my nose. – Holly, age 12
• School lunches stick to the wall. – Patrick, age 10
• Putting your vegetables on your little sister’s plate doesn’t work. – Nicole, age 11
• I sometimes get a craving for chocolate chip ice cream that cannot be controlled. – Rebecca, age 11
• I’ve learned that goldfish don’t like jello. – Jlie Ann, age 9

General Wisdom

• You should always listen to older people. They are like living history boods and can teach you so much.  – Cindy, age 13 (Write it down, video tape it, you’ll want it later.)
• Life is hard no matter how old you are. – Rosalinda, age 13
• A realist is more correct about things in life than an optimist. But the optimist seems to have more friends and much more fun. – Megan, age 14
• Someone is always better than you in one thing, but you are better than them in another. – Alecia, age 12

• You will never be happy if all you do is think about all the things you don't have. - Christy, age 17
• 99% of the time things aren't nearly as bad as you first thought they were.  - Jessica, age 15
• Piano lessons can make fifteen minutes feel like an hour. - Jack, age 9
• Even though people claim to know what you're going through or dealing with, they don't. - Jaimee, age 14
• If you want something in a cereal box and it looks really big, it always turns out small and crummy. - Katie, age 9
• You should never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble. - Ann, age 15 (Amen!)
• When you lick a slug, your tongue goes numb. - Bethany, age 11
• No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats! - Laura, age 13
• You should never mess with a kid that beat you up once already. - Dannie, age 10 (Or mess with someone who used you, cheated you, fooled you.)
• The smaller the print on things, the more important it is. - Julie, age 12
• Some of the most fun I've ever had was after my curfew. - Elise, age 14
• Being late is better than getting a fifty dollar speeding ticket. - Laurence, age 14
• It's not a good idea to spit while on a roller coaster. - Scott, age 11 (or out of the car window when the person behind you has their window open)
• One of the best ways to find out about a person's character is to play Monopoly with them. - Ellana, age 15
• You never open an umbrella in the car. - Ryan, age 7
• If you sleep in your clothes, you won't have to get dressed in the morning. - Stephanie, age 8 ½
• You shouldn't pull off the emergency brake in a car on a steep driveway. - Jeremy, age 12
• Life is filled with ups and downs but most of the time I'm going sideways. - Leslie, age 11 (I know the feeling.)
• Going a little crazy sometimes and doing something out of the ordinary is almost always rewarding. - Dawn, age 14
• Moving is one way of getting my room clean. - Russell, age 10 (or your house)
• It takes more energy to be mad or sad than it does to be happy. - Jaymin, age 15
• You shouldn't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. - Adrienne, age 12
• If you give your dad money for gas, you'll never get paid back. - Shawn, age 12 (not from your 20-year old son either)
• It's tough to be a kid, but even tougher to be a good kid. - David, age 9
• No matter how much you think you need it, don't borrow money! - Amy, age 12 (Someone should have listened to Amy before the mortgage and credit crisis.)
• You can tell what kind of personality a person has by what kind of shoes they wear. - Brittany, age 14 (a creed of many women)
• No matter how old you are, you always think that there may be something hiding under the bed.  - Monica, age 13 (or in the closet)
• Dogs and mothers will love you no matter what. - Heather, age 16 (or, as I've learned, no one on Earth will love you like your mother does)
• The world is a wonderful place and everyone should shut up and enjoy it every once in a while. - Sarah, age 12